Envy & Jealousy: Here’s What’s Really Going On

Image courtesy of Artem Belaiakin on Unsplash

Envy & jealousy go together like PB&J.

And they usually invite their best friend, shame, along for the ride.

If you’re a living/breathing human, chances are you’ve experienced them.

Envy & jealousy feel heavy because they are. Lower vibrating emotions are sourced from our three lower energy centers or chakras — root, sacral, and solar plexus chakras.

Sourcing energy from these centers triggers a stress response, which — according to quantum physics — makes us heavier energetically. In other words, you’re vibrating at a slower frequency, which makes you feel weighted.

Let’s define each of them and talk about what’s happening when they show up.


What is envy?

Here’s the definition from the Oxford Languages Dictionary: a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

Here’s what Brené Brown’s research says:

Envy occurs when we want something that another person has.

Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart

Simple enough and haven’t we all been there?

Here’s another tidbit from Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart:

Envy typically involves two people and occurs when one lacks something enjoyed by another. The target of envy may be a person or a group of persons, but the focus of envy is that one lacks something compared with a specific target, whether it be a target individual or target group.

Researchers Richard H. Smith and Sung Hee Kim, Altas of the Heart

We all know the feeling of separation from the thing or experience we desire.


What is jealousy?

Here are a few definitions from Dictionary.com:

  • jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
  • mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

Here’s what Brené Brown shared about jealousy in Atlas of the Heart:

Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or valued part of a relationship that we already have.

Brené Brown, Atlas of the heart

Jealousy often brings up a burning sensation in our tummies, cheeks, and ears. The energy of want behind jealousy can be all-consuming.

Here’s more from Richard R. Smith and Sung Hee Kim on jealousy:

Jealousy typically involves three people and occurs when one fears losing someone to another person. Envy and jealousy result from different situations, generate distinct appraisals, and produce distinctive emotional experiences.

researchers Richard R. Smith and Sung Hee Kim, Atlas of the heart

Ooof, I can almost feel it now!


Here’s why envy & jealousy feel heavy

When envy and jealousy arise, it’s tempting to believe it’s based on what someone else has.

It’s not.

That’s the trigger — or the supposed trigger.

Here’s why you feel envy and jealousy: you’ve unconsciously decided that thing or experience you want is not for you.

That’s it.

You’re not upset over the thing — you’re upset someone else believed enough in their desire to allow themselves to receive it.

Feeling envious of someone’s great new job screams one thing: you’ve decided you can’t achieve that same experience, so you create separation from your desires — that is the pain.

Your belief in lack is causing suffering — not what someone else has or doesn’t have.

Because what someone else has has nothing to do with you or what you can eventually create. No one can vibrate or think for you.

The Universe (or the quantum field of energy) is a big mirror.

It reflects back what you send out because it loves you. It denies you nothing.

If you’re subconsciously telling yourself, “I can’t ever create/achieve/manifest x,” then you’re right! The Universe will reflect that same belief back to you so you can keep experiencing lack (since that’s the signal you’re sending out).


The only cure for envy & jealousy

Pills against a hot pink background.
Image courtesy of Christina Victoria Craft on Unsplash

Understanding your subconscious beliefs about your worthiness to receive is the only cure for envy and jealousy.

Why?

Because we can’t control anything outside ourselves.

Our control lives in our inner reality: how we respond, the thoughts we think, and the actions we take.

Let me give an example.

Your phone pings with a text from your good friend, who just bought their dream house.

You know you should be happy for them, but you’re not.

Instead, your stomach drops, you start to sweat, your ears burn, and your thoughts RACE:

“How did they do that?”

“Why isn’t that happening to me?”

“They have the best luck and I’m always broke!”

“I feel sick not being happy for my friend. I’m a terrible person.”

Sound familiar?

So, what happened in the few nanoseconds between hearing the news and having a negative response?

A light was shined on your belief system about what you can have, create, do, and be. And that belief system is not in alignment with what you know to be true: you can buy the house of your dreams, too.

Envy and jealousy are a map: they show you where you’re not believing, trusting, and having faith in yourself. It has ZERO to do with the other person or what they’ve created.

It’s about what you’re not allowing in. It’s about lack.

Your pain is not about what the other person has — it’s about your awareness of them allowing it in while you’re not.


When envy and jealousy arise, take a pause and remember the above perspective.

Here’s why this is important: it helps you come down from that stress spiral and reconnect with what’s true: the only person holding back your abundance is YOU.

How you think is what’s creating your circumstances.

And you have control over how you think and where you put your attention.

Dr. Joe Dispenza says, “Where you place your attention is where you place your energy.”

Start placing your attention on what you can create and stop worrying about everyone else’s scorecard.


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Fun February Holidays & Observances to Use in Your Writing

Blond woman blowing confetti to the camera off an open book.
Image courtesy of Paul_Stachowiak on Pixabay

Each month, a host of fun holidays and observances grace our calendars, giving us gold for writing ideas, hooks, and headlines.

I love these silly celebrations because they observe everyday life and activities.

In other words, they’re relatable.

They also grab attention because of the brain’s constant search for novelty and newness.

This is good news for writers.

Find a few in your niche/industry and sprinkle these odd and interesting ‘holidays’ into your writing by:

  • Including a fun fact in your newsletter.
  • Using one as a hook or headline for social media, SMS alerts, or email marketing.
  • Interviewing a person in that industry for, say, National Bubble Gum Day on February 4 and connecting it to your industry or mission.
  • Asking people to donate or become aware of an issue or cause.
  • Using a self-care approach to give folks new ideas or perspectives (National Read in the Bathtub Day is February 8).
  • Including a P.S. in your emails as a selling reminder.
  • Writing a blog.
  • Adding one to a time-specific lead generation.
  • Using one in a sale or to drive sales/awareness.

The possibilities are endless!

Now, I know what you’re thinking — we can’t use these all the time and you’re right!

But you can use them intelligently to drive interest or as a tool for people to remember you. (“Oh! That’s the woman who shared the cool fact about umbrellas for National Umbrella Day!).

Or! You could pick one a month and have that be a fun tidbit people start to look forward to.

You don’t even need to use them at all! Just look them over for ideas!

Our frontal lobe is a seeker of information. When you point the frontal lobe in a direction, it looks for answers.

Give your frontal lobe some inspiration!

I like this list from Good Housekeeping.

Enjoy!


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Are You A Health & Wellness Copywriter? Steal My Niche Chart!

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Are you a health & wellness copywriter?

Or a writer who writes about health topics?

Awesome. Hi. Nice to meet you 🙂

I’m sharing the niche chart (or cheat sheet as I call it) I made when I first started copywriting.

Why, exactly?

My intuition told me to and I’m not arguing with it. (I’m getting better at this).

But there’s another reason, too.

I’m hoping you’ll sign up for the Untitled Word Project Writers Community with me.

Untitled Word Project started waaaaay back in 2010 as a writing workshop series for writers and actors. I produced a 90-minute fundraising show at the theatre company I was working for.

Now, I’m expanding UWP as a writers community.

In this community, I will:

  • Share writing resources, wisdom, and experiences to help your writing journey and freelance business.
  • Share paid opportunities for writers and storytellers.
  • Reach out for potential help with my writing business to hire extra copywriters, editors, and storytellers.
  • Send you a bi-monthly blast with writing goodies, prompts, and anything valuable I’ve recently learned.
  • Offer writing training and workshops.
  • Share information on freelancing, publishing, and marketing to help your business.
  • Produce live events with original writing to showcase talent. (This is a future goal).

My desire is to build a community and add creative value to your life.

So, like any good marketer these days, I’m gonna ask for your email. Yes, I know. It’s shameless (or not), but I gotta do it.

But hey, you’re smart — you knew this was coming!

I also want to learn from you (really!) because this is a wild ride being a freelance writer and we can use all the support we can get. Am I right? (Maybe not, I’ve been wrong before!).

Anyhoo, join us below by entering your name and email in the form and I’ll send your chart via email.

FYI: It may take a few minutes for the email to show up. My emails usually end up in the Promotions folder, but also check your Spam. What a world we live in.

You can look for writing love from me on the 1st & 3rd Thursday of every month. Why? I just like Thursdays.

It’s my hope this niche chart will bring you ideas, help you reach out to new clients, and create a general hit of inspiration for blog posts, client work, or your own business. There are loads of possibilities in our wider niche of health & wellness writing.

Annnnnnd…BONUS!

There’s another freebie included with your niche chart. Print it out and keep it with you. I hope it’s beneficial for your personal & professional life.


Enter your info below to join Untitled Word Project Writers Community!

Are you are writer, copywriter, or marketer?

Do you believe in keeping your skills sharp, your brain curious, and your pen mighty?

Good, me too.

That’s why I hope you’ll sign up for Untitled Word Project Writers Community with me.

Bi-monthly, I’ll share a little tidbit I’ve learned as a writer, whether it’s technical, practical, or creative. I hope to bring value to your writing journey and want to learn from you as well (I really do)!

My goal is to form a deliciously creative community and I’d love you to join me.

When you sign up, you’ll receive my Health & Wellness Niche Chart as a thank you 🙂


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Are You A Copywriter? Improve Your Skills by Taking an Acting Class

Comedy and tragedy masks.
Image courtesy of kellierae on Pixabay

Are you a copywriter? Or a writer in general?

I have some original advice for you that has nothing to do with grammar, words to avoid, or punchy headline templates.

If you want to be a better writer, whether it’s for copywriting, screenplays, scripts, speeches, ghostwriting, blogs, articles, and even technical writing, sign yourself up for an acting class.

I encourage writers (all kinds) to take an acting class for these reasons:

  • It gets you out of your head and into your body.
  • It informs your storytelling and deepens your character development.
  • It widens your lens of how people behave and what motivates actions.
  • It can give you many ideas for stories, articles, or sales writing.
  • It creates more self-trust, spontaneity, and self-permission.
  • It will help you know yourself deeper and more intimately, which will spill over into your work.

Another reason I encourage writers to take an acting class? It’s a masterclass in storytelling.

As copywriters, we hear about storytelling a lot and it’s the same (boring) advice: use it to create an emotional connection. This is kind of obvious, right?

Here’s the next layer: why does the emotional connection matter? Why is it important? What could be gained or lost if this emotional connection does not happen? And why is that life/death decision or situation important to a character, audience member, or customer?


How will an acting class improve my writing skills?

Old typewriter with 'stories matter' typed out on a piece of white paper.
Image courtesy of Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels

All of us are brilliant actors.

We act every day.

We act on social media.

We act at work.

We act in front of our in-laws or that weird cousin we don’t like.

We act at holiday parties.

We act like we know what we’re doing.

You may not realize it yet, but you’re already an actor.

Here’s how taking an acting class will inform your copywriting:

  • You’ll physically learn how stakes feel in the body.
  • You’ll learn more about character development & human motivation.
  • You’ll become an expert in physically stepping into a character, immersing yourself in their world, and living life from their point of view (think ‘mind or voice of the customer’).
  • You’ll let go, have fun, and learn a lot about yourself and your emotional responses.
  • You’ll develop deeper compassion, empathy, and pathos by playing a different character — I’ll talk about this more later.

All these skills are invaluable for writing visceral, converting copy.


What are ‘stakes’ and why do they matter?

In copywriting, this is sometimes referred to as ‘building momentum’ or ‘listing the pain points.’

In the performance and novel-writing worlds, ‘stakes’ refers to what could be gained or lost in a situation and how important that is to a character, audience, or customer.

When actors do scene study, they have to decide why a character would choose to remain in a scene.

What’s the motivation that’s keeping them engaged or fighting for something? Why wouldn’t they just walk out?

Simple: everything must be viewed as a decision between life and death.

If I am in a scene with someone and I’m trying to get them to agree with me about something, it must be viewed like this: if they don’t agree with me, I just might die!

It’s important (and necessary!) to get them on my side because it affects how my life will go and how I will feel. It affects how I will live and exist from this moment forward.

It must be that crucial or I wouldn’t care (and neither will the audience). As the actor, I would walk out of the scene, unaffected by if this person agrees with me or not.

And the audience would leave because there would be nothing to watch — there’s no conflict.

Making the choice a life/death decision creates more urgency and importance to getting this other person to jump on my bandwagon. Because if they don’t?! It might just be the end of me!

This creates momentum, angst, emotional attachment, and energy.

How can we craft our writing to create a visceral sense of a life-or-death decision?

What is the copy fighting for and why would people care about that?

  • Why would the reader keep reading?
  • What is it causing them to feel they must have, do, or be or they just might die?!
  • Or better yet, that they will live better, fuller, and with more happiness?

Even if we’re writing about a simple pair of leggings, it’s good to consider. Why?

Because those leggings may be the catalyst for someone feeling better about themselves, leading them to start exercising, building confidence, and healing. The leggings were the catalyst that literally gave them their life back.

How can we create stakes and tell that story in the copy?


The Gift of Gab: Improving Your Dialogue Writing

Blah, blah, blah written in chalk on a chalkboard.
Image courtesy of geralt on Pixabay

Guess what happens when you read more scripts, participate in scene study, and do line memorization?

You improve your dialogue writing.

As a copywriter, you may have to write dialogue from time to time. An acting class will help you uplevel this skill.

Watching a great TV show or movie isn’t enough. When you have to memorize lines and feel how they affect you physically — while also responding to another actor onstage — you receive valuable insights about how humans think, manipulate, cajole, and get what they want through words.

You can get inside the mind of a character who doesn’t think or respond the way you do — and this can be gold for future copy.

When you can get inside the mind of a character, you can get inside the mind of a customer.

And when you get inside the customer’s mind, you can find numerous avenues to viscerally connect with them, their problems, and how you can help.


What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Cute heart-shaped red balloons.
Image courtesy of autumnsgoddess0 on Pixabay

As copywriters, love may not be the first thing on our minds, but it should be.

Love is the motivation behind everything we do.

Getting it, giving it, feeling it, attaining it, wanting it, craving it, desiring it, creating it, grasping for it — we are always vying for love, even if we aren’t fully conscious of it.

Wanting love is never a boring choice.

How can what we are writing about make someone love themselves or their life more?

What are the benefits, and do those include more love, in any form?

There is not a human being on earth (that I’ve met anyway) that doesn’t want to experience more love.

If we are stuck on a benefit, love is a good go-to to get us started.

Creating or experiencing more love can consistently be a benefit to anything we’re selling because most people are buying stuff and services to create self-love, even if it isn’t obvious.

Why do people buy services like yoga classes, retreats, or even business seminars? Because they want to feel better about themselves and their life, hence, self-love.

Why do people buy products like blenders, meal kits, skin cleansers, toys for their kids, or a new lawnmower? Because they want to feel better about themselves and their life. They want more value. They want to feel pride, joy, and fulfillment, which are all forms of LOVE.

A blender can help someone eat better — creating more self-love.

A meal kit can help someone create more time for stuff they want to do — creating more self-love.

A skin cleanser can help someone feel better about their appearance and build confidence — creating more self-love.

Toys for someone’s kids can help them feel more connected to their children, creating enjoyment as the kids play with them — creating more self-love (and love in general).

A lawnmower can help someone fix up their yard, making them aware of their accomplishments and being a homeowner — creating more self-love.

Every product or service is a throughway to love in some form.

Dig deeper. Most things are not as they appear.

We buy products and services because we are trying to create a feeling or an experience we don’t currently have. We are lacking something and it aches.

FILL THE ACHE.

Making love a benefit will always tug at people because we desire love over everything else — even if we do not articulate it.


If you’re still reading (thank you), I hope these two lessons help you with whatever kind of copy you’re creating.

Think of your copy as the catalyst that makes someone stay in the scene and fight for what they want.

Think of your copy as the connection that will help someone experience more of the self-love they are craving, desiring, and yearning for.

Not only will you pull at people’s heartstrings, but you’ll also make their lives better by solving their problems and adding value to their experiences.



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This Little Light of Mine? In 2023, I’m Gonna Let it Shine

Lightbulbs hanging on a string.
Image courtesy of sakulich on Pixabay

You are light!

Did you know your body continuously emits light, frequency, energy, and information?

As you sit reading this, your body’s electromagnetic field is responding to the quantum field of the Universe.

While we may look like solid matter, all of us are vibrating energy. The frequency at which we vibrate determines how we will feel, how our bodies heal, and what we focus on.


Many years ago, I remember attending a meditation retreat.

One of the first sentences out of the teacher’s mouth was, “You are light!”

Back then, I thought it was a nice sentiment. Now, I understand it’s literal — we ARE made up of light particles. We are light. That’s so cool!

You as a conscious being with a body are made up of gravitationally organized light packed with information that is continuously sending and receiving various frequencies, all carrying different signals, just like a radio or cell phone.

Dr. Joe Dispenze, becoming supernatural

Humans emit biophotons, which are light particles. The measurement of biophotons can be done via the skin.

Increasingly science agrees with the poetry of direct human experience: we are more than the atoms and molecules that make up our bodies, but beings of light as well. Biophotons are emitted by the human body, can be released through mental intention, and may modulate fundamental processes within cell-to-cell communication and DNA.

warrenton wellness

Isn’t it fascinating to know at this moment, you are emitting literal light particles? What?!

That’s how powerful you are!

And because you’re light, you can always find your way out of whatever darkness is currently troubling you.


Your Electromagnetic Field

Meditating figure with energy field swirling around them.
Image courtesy of Activedia on Pixabay

Every person is emitting a field of energy around them and within them.

Our thoughts create an electrical charge and our emotions create a magnetic charge. Together, they create our state of being, which determines how strong or weak our field becomes. (Thank you, Dr. Joe, for this teaching!).

The only way we can change our lives is to change our energy — to change the electromagnetic field we are constantly broadcasting. In other words, to change our state of being, we have to change how we think and how we feel. How are you changing your energy today?

dr. joe dispenza, twitter post

When we remember that we are living light particles, constantly communicating with the greater quantum field of energy around us, we become powerful.

We remember our strengths and start to think better thoughts and take better actions.

Remembering our light gives us confidence, self-worth, and courage.


Light Affirmations for 2023

Contrary to popular conditioning, an affirmation can do wonders for brain training.

The problem people face is this: their minds and bodies are not aligned with the affirmation. The mind is saying one thing, but the body is feeling another. The affirmation never makes it past the brain stem.

The first step in using affirmations is to get your body feeling good first — and that starts with thinking a good thought.

When we think a good thought (I am loved, Things work out for me, All is well), we create good chemicals. And because we create those good chemicals, we send that to our cells and feel a certain good emotion (love, joy, contentment, compassion).

The quality of chemicals affects the quality of our emotions.

Once the brain has entered alpha brain waves (which is one ‘goal’ of meditation), the subconscious mind can be reprogrammed.

This is where affirmations come in.

Now that your body is in alignment with your thoughts, the affirmation will make it past the brain stem and into your subconscious mind, where the brain will take note of it.

The more you repeat the process, the stronger the neural networks around this new belief become.

Try these 10 affirmations for 2023 and see what manifests for you! Fun!

1. My inner light draws opportunities to me.

2. When I change my mind, I change my life.

3. I have enough energy for my life.

4. People are attracted to my inner light.

5. The light I emit can heal any part of me.

6. All answers exist within me.

7. I am so powerful, I literally glow with light.

8. My light gets brighter every day.

9. Wisdom flows to me and from me.

10. I radiate confidence.

Now go and let your light shine!

Happy New Year!



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The Messy Middle: Embracing Order in Chaos

Woman's face covered in messy rainbow paint.
Image courtesy of whitedaemon on Pixabay

Ever been in the messy middle?

When we’re on the brink of a quantum leap, it can feel like a fast-hitting tornado. We’re about to reach the next level of comprehension and understanding.

This is the time when the pieces are all over the place, you haven’t eaten in hours and you can’t think straight — because your head is brimming with ideas.

The messy middle might feel unpredictable, but it’s a magical place to be.

All your actions have compounded to bring you to this part of the process. This is where it really gets good.

The disorganized, frazzled, and incredibly delicious messy middle is where we find our true grit, determination, truthful creativity, and stamina.

I’ll be honest: I like the feeling of completion. It feels great to step back and say, “Hey! Look what I made! I did that!” I’ve reminded myself of this: completion is just the culmination of a lot of messy middles.

As a former perfectionist, the messy middle was not always my favorite part of the journey. I resented how out of sorts it felt, especially because I am more comfortable (and concentrated) when things are neatly tied up in a bow.

But creativity screams for us to trust the process because it’s usually taking us where we least expect to go, which is what makes it so fun, right?

As we create something new, our conditioning can peek its head around the corner and get curious about what we’re doing. It likes to spy. It doesn’t want to feel left out.

Our learned neurological programs get upset when we start playing around with our paints or caressing the keys of our old piano.

As creators, we can train ourselves to follow our intuition and reprogram our brains to more resonant beliefs, thoughts, and perspectives.

The messy middle can trigger our survival emotions, especially if we’re counting on our creation to earn us money or improve our lives.

When you find yourself struggling to keep up the passion without having a clear map of where you’re headed, try the four actions I’ve listed below.

May they be a compass until the fog lifts.


Below are four actions to take when you’re in the messy middle. May they help quell any doubts, fears, overwhelm, or overthinking:

1. Remind yourself of your evolution.

Being in the messy middle is an indicator you started something new in the first place. Go you!

When we decide to level up, learn something new, or let go of something from the past, we are choosing a courageous path. Honor this, please.

When we feel our head exploding from all the new stimuli being ingested, we have to remember how awesome that is — our head is exploding because we are more knowledgeable now.

New neurons are firing and wiring together. Our brain is learning to look for new information and new perspectives. Our filter is becoming wider. We are growing new brain matter and strengthening our memory, emotional capacity, and resources to solve problems.

That’s pretty cool, right?


2. Take an inventory of your progress and celebrate it.

It can feel like a long way from the finish line if we keep looking at the finish line.

We’ve all been conditioned to focus on the completion rather than the journey, especially in the West where accomplishments and credentials replace our value and worth as human beings.

But here’s the thing: this is your life going by. Right now as you read this, minutes tick away you can’t get back, no matter how beautiful, rich, or influential you are.

So, keeping all attention on the finish line robs you of your experience and journey.

The journey is delicious, too. It’s filled with miracles, synchronicities, and coincidences. All this supports what we are trying to accomplish and allows us to meet ourselves along the way.

Because we are always creating a more resonant version of ourselves, we decide to take more risks.

Write down all the progress you’ve made and celebrate it.

Put your hand on your heart and “take in the good” as Dr. Rick Hanson says. Savor the feeling of accomplishment, more knowledge, deep self-admiration, and choosing yourself. Let that feeling sink into your bones, your brain, and your solar plexus chakra.

Ahhh, it feels so good, doesn’t it?


3. Call on your inner wisdom and hand over the outcome to the universe.

Nothing will look like we think it will when we first start something. There will be endless changes, evolutions, and surprises along the way.

The more we release our grip on what we want it to look like (or think it should look like), the more magic comes in.

We will know what to do next if we go inward and listen. There is a lot of noise about what is ‘right,’ ‘best,’ or ‘correct.’

Our inner wisdom knows best, even if it doesn’t make logical sense or go in a logical order (I am personally working on this!).

There is a divine intelligence working in everything we do, and it wants our fulfillment. Hand over your idea of the outcome to the bigger picture, and I promise, you will be taken care of in ways you can’t possibly imagine.


4. Take the next, best-feeling action, whether it’s big or small.

This is good advice because it works.

Everything is a culmination of lots of actions. It all builds and compounds. We don’t always need to take a huge leap; sometimes, the best feeling action is a small hop.

Don’t devalue or dismiss smaller actions like sending an email or finishing a chapter in a book in lieu of bigger actions we believe are ‘more important.’ That’s just silly talk. All actions, great and small, get you where you want to go.


I hope you find yourself in all sorts of beautiful, messy middles!

Embrace the confusion. Love the uncertainty. Relish in the chaos of creativity.

It’s really fun to see what happens when we decide to get our hands a little (or a lot) dirty.

Are you working on a new creation right now?

What does the messy middle feel like for you?

How do you celebrate progress?

I’d love to know in the comments!



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3 New Year’s Resolutions for 2023 You’ll Be Excited to Keep All Year

Bird's eye view of white espresso cup and saucer with '2023' written in foam.
Image courtesy of geralt on Pixabay

It’s that time again!

The New Year brings up nostalgia, transformations, a chance to renew, and the effective power of rituals.

It also brings up New Year’s resolutions.

Let’s remember: resolutions are new and more aligned habits we want to create.

In linear time, the New Year represents a transition from the past to the future. This is helpful for our psyche because it allows us reflection.

With reflection, comes wisdom.

Let’s apply this wisdom to who we want to be in 2023.

We can ask ourselves:

Who do I want to be?

What do I want to create?

How do I want to feel in my mind, body, and soul?

What is truly important to me?

Below, I share 3 New Year’s resolutions for 2023 I know you’ll be excited to keep all year long.

These resolutions will help you be who you truly want to be.

Let’s get started.


New Year’s Resolution #1: Learn more about how your brain works.

Drawing of a human brain trapped in chains with a padlock.
Image courtesy of QuinceCreative on Pixabay

We misuse our brains most of the time.

The addictive loop of stress cycles depletes the brain (and the body) of creative energy.

Many of us experience scattered thinking, overthinking, anxiety, nervousness, brain fog, and being depleted of creative energy for activities we want to do.

Learning more about your brain, how it works, how you can best use it to create what you want, and what mental habits to look out for will help you live a more relaxed life.

Before learning more about the brain, I felt at the mercy of its programs.

Now, I have a toolbelt bursting with hands-on knowledge about what my brain is doing, why I’m feeling the way I am, and how to help myself. These tools work because I understand the science behind them.

If you want to improve your life, you have to learn more about the motherboard inside your head. It’s the key and solution to everything you want.

RESOLUTION ACTION STEP: Buy some brain books and read 10 pages a day for the whole year.

10 pages won’t overwhelm you and will solidify a new, positive habit — especially from your brain’s perspective.

Believe me, keeping this promise to yourself of reading 10 pages a day will spike your self-trust, self-confidence, and self-knowledge. You won’t want to break this habit.

p.s. If you would like the titles of the books that helped me, comment below with what you want to learn more about and I’ll reply 🙂


New Year’s Resolution #2: Let go of lack mentality.

Woman with freckles looking overwhelmed. Hand on head.
Image courtesy of Claudia Barbosa on Pexels

I heard a profound statement from Esther Hicks on abundance.

It went a little something like, “Most people want abundance, but then judge it when they see it.”

It’s likely everyone reading this blog has done this.

You pray to the Universe for some newfound cash, only to judge your cousin an hour later because she bought herself a new car.

You resisted your own abundance because no one can vibrate for you.

Feeling lack around any part of your life gets reflected back to you.

Lack is not just about money.

Complaining is lack.

Judgment (not to be confused with discernment) is lack.

Self-criticism? Lack.

Criticizing others? Lack.

Unworthiness? Lack.

Focusing on what doesn’t feel good? Lack.

Overplanning? Lack.

Lack. Lack. Lack. Lack. Lack!

This is how most folks (myself included) think and feel all day — regardless of what’s in their bank account.

Lack mentality is a state of being created over many years of unconscious thinking based on the past.

Your subconscious programs are running the show called your life — 95% of it to be exact.

Most people want more money, but feel guilty about receiving it. This feeling of guilt is stored in the subconscious mind and creates a state of being: I am unworthy.

From this vantage point, the brain focuses on everything to align with that belief because the brain and body want to be in sync.

Now, all you see is lack. Nothing is good enough.

This New Year’s, shine a flashlight on your thoughts and beliefs around abundance and lack.

RESOLUTION ACTION STEP: Choose an abundance mantra to repeat when feelings of lack, unworthiness, or poverty mindset take over.

Thoughts create chemicals, which signal our cells to express an emotion.

When you give your brain a new thought (like a mantra), you make new chemicals and signal the body in new ways.


New Year’s Resolution #3: Paint a mental picture of who you want to be.

Close up of woman's painted face with neon rainbow colors.
Image courtesy of ivanofgood on Pixabay

Did you know by age 35, 95% of our reactions and responses are memorized chemical cues?

Now, you do!

Who you think you are (your personality) is a set of chemical reactions, memorized over many years of repetition.

For most humans, our brains and body are living in the past.

We repeat the same neurological programs over and over, creating the same reality year after year.

Creating something new in your life requires being someone new.

You have to create a new set of neurological programs that match what you want.

This means thinking new thoughts that align with your goals, dreams, and visions for your future.

Next, repeat these thoughts and visions every day to train your body and mind to be ahead of the experience.

When you go through your day, notice how many of your thoughts are about something that happened in the past. I bet you’ll be amazed at how much you repeat the same chemistry over and over, sending the same emotional signature out to the quantum field.

RESOLUTION ACTION STEP: Decide who you want to be and use any free moment to emotionally connect with this version of yourself in your mind.

As you create this ideal self, get specific.

Ask yourself:

What does happiness look like to my ideal self?

What does success feel like to my ideal self?

What does alignment feel like to my ideal self?

Then, start living like your ideal self would live.

Break the neurological programs that no longer work for you. Create new ones. Be the person you have always dreamed of being — because you can!



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The Healing Power of Self-Permission (Plus 10 Affirmations to Get You Started)

Love Yourself and Be You written in a journal with a painted heart.
Image courtesy of geralt on Pixabay

As adults, self-permission might bring up shame, uncomfortableness, and a feeling of possibly ‘getting in trouble.’

Childhood conditioning is most prevalent between 0-7 years old.

During that time, our brain waves are slower than adults. We absorb information that sets the baseline for the beliefs of our subconscious mind.

Everything decision, belief, habit, and behavior is sourced from your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is that part of the brain we have to reprogram if we want to change.

Our lives are a reflection of our beliefs about ourselves. If we can’t ‘see’ ourselves as something (a business owner, a homeowner, a good friend), it’s unlikely we will become it. The subconscious mind is the ceiling for what you know to be true about yourself and the world.

If you want to ‘be’ someone else — and have a new experience of reality — you have to reprogram the subconscious beliefs running the show.

When we’re young, our brains are forming complicated neural pathways that shape the perception of our experiences.

If we were not given a firm foundation of self-permission, we may find ourselves struggling in later life to create the experiences we truly want.

The way we see ourselves matters. It’s the basis for the habits we form, the actions we take, the behaviors we attach to, and the beliefs we strengthen and adhere to.

What you believe matters. It’s the basis for everything in your current experience.


Why Self-Permission Feels Uncomfortable and Unsafe

Healing heart with patches and stitching.
Image courtesy of Victoria_Watercolor on Pixabay

The average child hears the word “no” about 40,000 times by the age of five.

How about the word “yes”? Around 5,000.

Everyone reading this heard “no” eight times more than they heard “yes” before starting first grade. Whoa.

Is it any wonder we have a problem trusting ourselves? Our training since birth is to follow and listen to someone outside of us.

As kids, we learn quickly who and what authority figures are and what we are and aren’t allowed to do. This information brands itself into our subconscious mind and stays there until we reprogram it.

Authority figures come in all shapes and sizes: familial, cultural, societal, generational, and personal.

Some of those ‘no’s’ were for our own good. A child can’t distinguish between a “no” said for their protection and a “no” because of a parent’s limitations or personal conditioning.

Most children will eventually have to exist in a society with other people. Learning what is appropriate and what isn’t starts almost immediately, killing our gut instinct and setting the stage for making ourselves small and quiet so we can blend in and be good citizens.

This doesn’t mean all conditioning is bad — it means it may not be resonant with who we want to be now.

Most of us won’t remember hearing “no” 40,000 times, but our brain does.

Our brain is built to learn, evolve, and grow through our experiences, which is called experience-dependent neuroplasticity.

What do you think happens to a child’s developing brain when they hear “no” that many times?

It changes and forms connections based on fear, lack, and stress.

Have you ever noticed how quickly children absorb and learn information? That’s because of their slower brain waves as I mentioned in the beginning.

As adults, those 40,000 “no’s” can start to compound into feelings of unworthiness, shame, mistrust of others, and a feeling of isolation. We’ve learned to hate the word “no” because of its impact on our development, imagination, and sense of self.

No wonder it’s challenging for us to use “no” when it can serve us. We have a complicated relationship with it.

Many times, “no” kept us from self-expression, self-trust, and self-exploration. Understandably, we feel a bit yucky about it.

How can we help ourselves going forward?

Can we form a better relationship with “no” and begin afresh? (Answer: of course, we can!).

How can we become our own authority figures and create the lives we desperately want?

We can work on self-permission.

Telling yourself, “yes,” is viscerally effective. Why?

Because many of us were not taught self-trust — we were taught to trust someone or something outside ourselves.

Self-permission is like kryptonite to the brain. It arouses the frontal lobe to ask new questions and seek new information, It helps to form new neural networks. The more those networks are repeated, they develop into complicated neural pathways, thus changing your subconscious mind and helping you take new actions, form new behaviors, and think new thoughts.

When we give ourselves permission to buy a new car, look for a new job, or start dating again, we change who we are on a cellular level. We think new thoughts, create new chemical signatures, and express new emotions.


I don’t know about you, but all those “no’s” had a specific impact on me: they created a belief that I needed permission from some authority figure before doing, creating, or being anything.

Maybe you feel the same.

Who is an authority figure? It can be anyone we give our power away to. Inside, we are still those innocent children. We are still seeking approval, affection, and love. And we are terrified that someone will say, “No, you are not worthy of that.”

We have to feel worthy within ourselves.

For me, an authority figure was anyone I deemed to know more than I did (even if they didn’t). It could be an editor, a teacher, a friend’s parent, a guy I liked, or even a random stranger! I was always seeking outside permission and approval, even with people I didn’t like or respect much.

Those “no’s” taught me that I wasn’t my own keeper. They taught me I couldn’t (and shouldn’t) trust my inner wisdom and gut. They taught me to shrivel, shrink and shut my mouth.

Maybe you feel the same.

Self-permission has to be one of the most powerful forces there is. To allow yourself all you desire and not apologize for it? That’s someone I want to be, emulate, and grow into.


10 Effective Affirmations for Self-Permission

Woman meditating.
Image courtesy of GoldenViolinist on Pixabay

Try these affirmations if you’re feeling shame, guilt, or fear around self-permission.

Remember, you must include an emotional charge with affirmations. Allow the words to emotionally affect your body so you memorize this new feeling in your cells. When you say each phrase, take a moment and let the new belief sink in. Relish in the new version of you.

It is safe to trust my intuition.

Self-permission makes me feel confident.

I’m allowed to do, be, and have anything I desire.

My soul knows the way in all situations.

My intuition shows me the path of least resistance to what I want.

I am a powerful creator when I give myself permission.

I authentically choose what makes me feel good.

When I give myself permission, I become a powerful attractor.

I am my own authority figure.

I am allowed to take up space.



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The Power of Questions: How to Kickstart New Neural Networks in the Brain

Cool cutouts of question marks with craft paper.
Image courtesy of Leeloo Thefirst on Pexels

How are new neural networks formed in the brain?

Simple: through novelty and curiosity.

Using the power of questions, we can arouse both these states.

By age 35, 95% of our reactions and responses to outside stimuli are memoried emotional signatures. The subconscious mind has established our identity through the repetition of specific thoughts which create specific emotions. The more we repeat these thoughts and emotions, the more our cells ‘memorize’ them and in time, form an addition.

Many of us think we are in charge of our decisions. We aren’t. Our habits are in charge and unless we change them, we are imprisoned by old beliefs that create the same reality over and over again.

Many people go through life in what Tara Brach calls, ‘the trance.’ They may appear conscious, but their subconscious mind is running the show — 95% of it to be specific.

Years ago, I read an account about mind chatter from a spiritual advisor. As she took her morning walk, she realized her mind chatter was louder than the cicadas singing in the trees. She’d been solely consumed with stressful thoughts (which, in turn, created stress in her body), that she couldn’t ‘hear’ anything else.

This is how most of the population exists — unconsciously consumed with habitual thought patterns that drown out everything else. Yikes.


Your Frontal Lobe and Questions

Your frontal lobe is the ‘CEO’ of your brain.

It handles functions like movement, problem-solving, and social interaction.

When we have an experience, the frontal lobe communicates with all areas of the brain to give us context and meaning.

When we give the frontal lobe a new question (or direction) to focus on — therefore interrupting its memorized patterns — something magical happens.

Here’s an Instagram post from Dr. Joe Dispenza (one of my favorite brain experts) explaining what happens when we arouse the frontal lobe with a new question:

As your frontal lobe (the CEO) entertains that new question, it looks out over the landscape of the rest of the brain & seamlessly combines all of your stored knowledge & experiences into a new model of thought. It helps create an internal representation for you to begin to focus on.⁣

This contemplation process builds new neurological networks. As you ponder the fundamental question above, your neurons will begin to fire & wire in new sequences, patterns, & combinations because you are thinking differently. And whenever you make your brain work differently, you’re changing your mind.

As you plan your actions, speculate on novel possibilities, conjure up innovative ways of being, & dream of new states of mind & body, there will be a moment that the frontal lobe will turn on & lower the volume to your environment, body & time. When this happens, the thought(s) you are thinking will become an internal experience; you will install new software & hardware programs into your nervous system, & it will appear that the experience of being your new self has already happened in your brain. If you repeat this process every day, your ideal will become a familiar state of mind.

Dr. joe Dispenza, Instagram post, march 2020

Thinking new thoughts creates new neural connections. Thinking those thoughts over and over creates a stronger bond between neurons.

Let’s take a moment and focus on a thought you don’t like.

What thought is it and how many years have you been repeating it?

What happens in your body when you notice you’re in that pattern again?

What is a better thought?

These are all effective questions to get your frontal lobe thinking differently and expanding its horizons.

The longer we’ve been thinking a thought, the more ‘hold’ it has on us neurologically speaking. The more we sway toward going down that path.

Think of trying to loosen a tight knot — that’s what we’re up against when we want to change our behavior and in turn, our life.

Changing our neural patterns might take effort, but the alternative is being stuck in a spin cycle with thoughts we don’t like and neural connections that don’t serve the life we want to create.


Our Thoughts Make Chemicals

Here’s how powerful thoughts are: every time you have one, you make a chemical.

That chemical is sent to all the cells in your body. Receptors on your cell ‘express’ that chemical. The result is an emotion.

Many of us believe we lack willpower when it comes to changing our thinking. This is not entirely true. Our thoughts have bathed our cells in negative chemicals for years. As a result, the cells have formed an addiction. Our cells want us to think certain thoughts so we keep creating the chemicals they like.

This addiction can be likened to heroin, sugar, caffeine, or nicotine. It’s strong and it’s real.

When we think a new thought — or ask a new question — we make a different chemical.

Making a different chemical creates a new emotion, perspective, and perception. Now, your memorized programming has been interrupted and novelty takes over the brain’s focus.

All of a sudden, problems disappear or a solution quickly presents itself, usually in a way you wouldn’t have conceived of in your programmed thinking.

Now, you’re on a new path of thoughts, all making a better-feeling emotion. This builds, just like when you experience a negative cycle of thoughts. As you keep up with the new thought pattern, it builds. Now, your reality starts to change. You notice ways of being you didn’t before.

This is the power of asking pointed questions and allowing our frontal lobe to run with them.

When we interrupt our memorized responses, our brain takes notice and forms new neural connections. The more we stay with these new thoughts, the stronger that connection becomes.

I should add this, too: as we practice new ways of thinking our old ones start to die. The neural networks associated with those thoughts start to break down and eventually, they atrophy from lack of use.

Changing our brains is a lot easier with questions on our side.


Here are some questions to get your frontal lobe activated and creating

Cool drawing of a man's profile with a half lightbulb and half brain inside his head.
Image courtesy of GDJ on Pixabay

Why do I do (x) like this? Do I like doing it that way?

Am I choosing how I spend my time or am I on auto-pilot a lot?

How am I truly feeling about (x)?

What is something I really want to do?

How do I want to feel when I’m 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, or 100?

Is (x) important to me or is this something I feel obligated to do, be, have, or want?

What is the purpose of (x) in my life?

How would I feel if I had the life of my dreams?

What can I do to be happier every day?

Who am I underneath all this conditioning, social programming, and obligation?

Am I satisfied with my life and if not, how could I create more of that?

I notice I do (x) as a habit. What is a better habit?

Do my choices get me where I want to go?

How many of my beliefs have I chosen?

Who do I admire and why?

How can I make more time for myself?

What do I love about my daily experience?

How can I attract more abundance into my life?

How can I love my body better?

What new things do I want to experience?

If I could have anything in the world, what would it be?

How can I take better care of my health?

Start with these and notice the new thoughts you can create just by pointing your brain in a specific direction.



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5 Fascinating Facts About the Brain to Help Us Understand Our Behaviors, Motivations, and Everyday Habits

Adorable graphic of a brain wearing glasses and pumping iron. Little sweat droplets are falling from his "cheeks."
Image courtesy of riadbenamar123 on Pixabay

Your brain weighs approximately three pounds.

It makes up to 35,000 decisions a day, most in the subconscious mind.

Your brain is not ‘mature’, or fully formed until age 25! Yikes!

60% of your brain is made up of fat.

When you sleep, your brain ‘washes’ away any debris — that is, unnecessary information — to make room for more the next day.

The electrical impulse from a neuron in your brain travels at 268 miles per hour.

Your brain can generate 23 watts of power — enough to power a lightbulb.

Your brain is considered the world’s best and most amazing supercomputer.

There’s no doubt the brain is magnificent. The more I read about it, the more I understand my impulses, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.

Everything we experience is happening in a three-pound glob of fatty tissue. When you consider it, it’s mind-bending.

Your entire reality is stored between your eyes. Everything you know, feel, think, believe, and experience is a combination of chemical responses being ‘expressed’ by your cells. Whoa.

As Dr. Joe Dispenza says, “Your brain is a relic of the past.” It’s a treasure trove of everything that’s happened to you. Trippy, right?

Understanding what the heck our brain is doing will help us feel better, develop more self-compassion, and give us the confidence to make resonant choices.


Let’s look at five fascinating facts about the brain to help us understand our behaviors, motivations, and everyday habits.

Cool graphic of a man trapped in someone's head with bars where the scull should be.
Image courtesy of CDD20 on Pixabay

1. Your brain has a built-in ‘negativity bias.’

Our brain learned to keep us alive and safe by going after what was pleasurable (food, sex, warmth) and moving away from what was harmful (predators, bad weather, and ‘the other’).

The brain learned to err on the side of caution with most things because, back in the day, people were dealing with the elements, animals, and other factors that would most certainly lead to death. The brain learned to view most things as dangerous and threatening.

Your brain has evolved to keep you alive.

When you feel fearful, scared, or like you’re being negative, it’s helpful to know this is a built-in part of your brain’s circuitry. It’s not going anywhere. It’s there to protect you.

You may have heard this famous quote from Dr. Rick Hanson, “Your brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.” That’s because the brain wants to remember what could be harmful, threatening, or bad news.

Next time you are apprehensive about something new, remind yourself of the brain’s warning system. It’s always asking, “Could this possibly kill me?”

This leads us beautifully to the next fun fact.


2. Your brain has three main parts designed to filter every piece of information and social interaction in your experience.

Every new social interaction and piece of information you process goes through the following journey in your brain:

First, it passes through the crocodile brain (or ‘croc brain’) which is the gatekeeper of your higher brain functions. It is also the oldest part of the brain.

The croc brain is a total diva and doesn’t want to do a ton of work. It needs cold, hard facts with any new stimulus. Remember English composition class? The croc brain is the who, what, where, and when filtering system.

The croc brain is scanning for two main things: danger and intrigue (or novelty).

It’s deciding whether to move toward or away from something in a manner of nanoseconds. It’s discerning if something is relevant or urgent to you.

The croc brain’s main functions are to physically keep us alive, which means it manages the fight/flight/freeze/fawn (or a stress cycle) response and runs all our body’s systems. Your croc brain is breathing and pumping your heart right now!

If the croc brain approves of the message and there is no immediate threat, it sends it up to the midbrain, which is the second place the info gets processed.

The midbrain determines the meanings of things and social situations. It gives them context. This is the “social relationships” and “relate to” part of the brain.

The midbrain allows us to feel connected to people and circumstances.

After the info passes through the midbrain, it is sent to the neocortex—the third and final destination.

The neocortex handles problem-solving and being able to think about complex issues and produce answers using reason. This part of the brain took five million years to develop.

So, here is the journey of all new info and social interactions:

1. Croc brain—safety.
2. Midbrain—social relationships.
3. Neocortex—problem-solving.

Knowing this is powerful because now you understand how the brain processes every piece of new info or new interactions you have. Take this with you on a first or blind date, in a pitch, in a tense business situation, or when you deal with family.


3. Your attention span runs dry after 20 minutes.

You know those hour-long board meetings or lectures you attend?

After 20 minutes, you start to peter out, attention-span speaking. The brain is taking in an incredible amount of new stimuli every second. And all that stimuli have to pass through the croc brain first.

The croc brain is running every single function in the body and keeping you socially alive (fight/flight/freeze/fawn).

It’s got a lot of work running all your body systems and determining what ‘stuff’ to send to the midbrain and neocortex. This takes lots of physiological energy.

So, when you sit down to ingest new info, the croc brain puts a limit on it. In fact, after 20 minutes, you will start to forget the new info you learned!

A lot of us have beaten ourselves up or imposed self-criticism when we can’t pay attention. Now, you know why.

It’s not you—it’s your brain’s way of preserving energy.

Now that you know this, you can schedule breaks into your workday. Give your full attention for 20 minutes and then, take a five-minute break.

Allow your croc brain a reprieve from new stimuli: close your eyes and do some conscious breathing.


4. This is how the brain defines “attention.”

The brain determines what to pay attention to based on two things: desire and tension.

In Pitch Anything, Oren Klaff explains, “When a person is feeling both desire and tension, that person is paying serious attention to what’s in front of him or her.”

Two neurotransmitters control attention: dopamine and norepinephrine.

We need these two chemicals surging through our croc brain to pay attention.

To trigger dopamine (or desire), we need the promise of a reward.

To trigger norepinephrine (or tension), we need the threat of something being taken away.

These two states—the promise of a reward and the fear of possibly losing something—create attention.

Another way to think about the tension part of the equation is, “What are the stakes? How important to me is the thing I may lose?

Let’s use a real-world example.

Let’s say you just had a fight with your spouse and someone threatened divorce. After cooling down, you agree to talk it through.

Your attention in the conversation would be based on two things.

>> Desire (the promise of a reward): the relationship will be better, healthier, and a more pleasant experience. Plus, you’ll be happier after this is solved.

>> Tension (the threat of something being taken away): you may lose your partner to a divorce, which would mean sadness, loneliness, or banishment. You could lose your family and your happiness.

These two factors would trigger dopamine and norepinephrine to surge through your croc brain, creating attention.


5. This is why growth and change can feel challenging.

From the brain’s perspective, everything falls into two categories: safety and energy conservation.

When we want to make a change, the brain perceives this as stress. Why?

Because any change (losing weight, changing jobs, leaving a relationship) is a possible threat to your survival, and the brain doesn’t like that.

This is why we can set goals and never achieve the desired results. The brain is constantly pulling us back to what is safe and familiar so it can keep us alive.

This is compounded by the emotional signatures we’ve learned over time. Our cells have become used to certain states of being. Trying to change these emotional signatures can be likened to curbing an addiction to sugar or heroin.

To create new neural networks to will help you move toward new things, the croc brain has to use more energy, and if you remember from above, the croc brain is a total diva. It wants to conserve as much energy as possible to keep our bodies functioning and keep its job as the gatekeeper of all new info that enters our awareness.

The croc brain wants to fall back on familiar patterns (habits) so you don’t go off and do something that could get you killed. Thanks, brain!

From a survival standpoint, growth and change are threats. They put us in harm’s way. They upset the delicate internal ecosystem the brain and body have gotten used to.

Think about a thermostat set at 70 degrees. The job of the thermostat is to keep the temperature at 70 degrees no matter what. If a hot gust of wind disrupts the temperature, the thermostat kicks on and lowers the temp back to 70.

This is exactly how our croc brain views change—a trigger to get the thermostat back to where it’s supposed to be.

It’s late December, and you’re writing your New Year’s resolution list. You’re pumped (dopamine is signaling a possible reward), and you decide this is your year. You’re gonna lose that weight, get that amazing job, and fall in love! Yes!

The croc brain hears this and is not happy.

Lose weight? But what if there’s a famine? No. Get an amazing job? But the one we have now is fine and pays the bills. No. Fall in love? And possibly get heartbroken or dumped? That’s a big hell no.

We feel this in the form of overwhelm, stress, anxiety, and weariness. We realize we should just stay where we are. No sense in getting hurt or being broke. Everything is fine just as it is.

The thermostat just reset itself at 70 degrees. You shrug and reach for the remote, making the croc brain extremely happy.

No change = no death.

Plus, it can now preserve the energy you wanted to use for self-improvement to keep you alive. Bonus!


The Power of Asking Questions for Self-Healing

Phew! That was a lot, but I know it sheds light on the more significant issues we face. Now that you know a little more about what the brain is doing, you can give yourself some slack and regroup when something is feeling challenging.

Conditioning runs deep. The best way to change anything you don’t like is to become curious about it.

Start asking questions when yucky feelings arise:

Whose energy is this? Do I like how it feels?

What internal changes happen when I feel _________?

Where are these thoughts coming from? What thought feels better?

What am I truly afraid of? What am I terrified of losing or gaining?

Questions are effective for self-healing because they point the prefrontal lobe in a different direction. When we ask a specific question, our brain will fire to help us find the answer.

Remember to ground and root while doing this exercise. Make sure you’re connected to your body and pelvic bowl. Allow answers to come to you rather than hunting them down.

Keep asking questions until you find the one that gives you a visceral response — then explore it with meditation.


Below are five insightful books on the brain so you can continue to learn about this intriguing organ:

Person stuck behind a stack of open books just like in college.
Image courtesy of Pixabay on Pexels

1. Innercise by John Assaraf (if you buy the book, you get access to audios and videos on John’s website to help you with ‘brain training’).
2. Hardwiring Happiness by Dr. Rick Hanson
3. Pitch Anything by Oren Klaff
4. The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
5. Breath by James Nestor


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