Envy & Jealousy: Here’s What’s Really Going On

Envy & jealousy go together like PB&J.

And they usually invite their best friend, shame, along for the ride.

If you’re a living/breathing human, chances are you’ve experienced them.

Envy & jealousy feel heavy because they are. Lower vibrating emotions are sourced from our three lower energy centers or chakras — root, sacral, and solar plexus chakras.

Sourcing energy from these centers triggers a stress response, which — according to quantum physics — makes us heavier energetically. In other words, you’re vibrating at a slower frequency, which makes you feel weighted.

Let’s define each of them and talk about what’s happening when they show up.

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What is envy?

Here’s the definition from the Oxford Languages Dictionary: a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

Here’s what Brené Brown’s research says:

Envy occurs when we want something that another person has.

Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart

Simple enough and haven’t we all been there?

Here’s another tidbit from Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart:

Envy typically involves two people and occurs when one lacks something enjoyed by another. The target of envy may be a person or a group of persons, but the focus of envy is that one lacks something compared with a specific target, whether it be a target individual or target group.

Researchers Richard H. Smith and Sung Hee Kim, Altas of the Heart

We all know the feeling of separation from the thing or experience we desire.

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What is jealousy?

Here are a few definitions from Dictionary.com:

• jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
• mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

Here’s what Brené Brown shared about jealousy in Atlas of the Heart:

Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or valued part of a relationship that we already have.

Brené Brown, Atlas of the heart

Jealousy often brings up a burning sensation in our tummies, cheeks, and ears. The energy of want behind jealousy can be all-consuming.

Here’s more from Richard R. Smith and Sung Hee Kim on jealousy:

Jealousy typically involves three people and occurs when one fears losing someone to another person. Envy and jealousy result from different situations, generate distinct appraisals, and produce distinctive emotional experiences.

researchers Richard R. Smith and Sung Hee Kim, Atlas of the heart

Ooof, I can almost feel it now!

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Here’s why envy & jealousy feel heavy

When envy and jealousy arise, it’s tempting to believe it’s based on what someone else has.

It’s not.

That’s the trigger — or the supposed trigger.

Here’s why you feel envy and jealousy: you’ve unconsciously decided that thing or experience you want is not for you.

That’s it.

You’re not upset over the thing — you’re upset someone else believed enough in their desire to allow themselves to receive it.

Feeling envious of someone’s great new job screams one thing: you’ve decided you can’t achieve that same experience, so you create separation from your desires — that is the pain.

Your belief in lack is causing suffering — not what someone else has or doesn’t have.

Because what someone else has has nothing to do with you or what you can eventually create. No one can vibrate or think for you.

The Universe (or the quantum field of energy) is a big mirror.

It reflects back what you send out because it loves you. It denies you nothing.

If you’re subconsciously telling yourself, “I can’t ever create/achieve/manifest x,” then you’re right! The Universe will reflect that same belief back to you so you can keep experiencing lack (since that’s the signal you’re sending out).

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The only cure for envy & jealousy

Understanding your subconscious beliefs about your worthiness to receive is the only cure for envy and jealousy.

Why?

Because we can’t control anything outside ourselves.

Our control lives in our inner reality: how we respond, the thoughts we think, and the actions we take.

Let me give an example.

Your phone pings with a text from your good friend, who just bought their dream house.

You know you should be happy for them, but you’re not.

Instead, your stomach drops, you start to sweat, your ears burn, and your thoughts RACE:

“How did they do that?”

“Why isn’t that happening to me?”

“They have the best luck and I’m always broke!”

“I feel sick not being happy for my friend. I’m a terrible person.”

Sound familiar?

So, what happened in the few nanoseconds between hearing the news and having a negative response?

A light was shined on your belief system about what you can have, create, do, and be. And that belief system is not in alignment with what you know to be true: you can buy the house of your dreams, too.

Envy and jealousy are a map: they show you where you’re not believing, trusting, and having faith in yourself. It has ZERO to do with the other person or what they’ve created.

It’s about what you’re not allowing in. It’s about lack.

Your pain is not about what the other person has — it’s about your awareness of them allowing it in while you’re not.

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When envy and jealousy arise, take a pause and remember the above perspective.

Here’s why this is important: it helps you come down from that stress spiral and reconnect with what’s true: the only person holding back your abundance is YOU.

How you think is what’s creating your circumstances.

And you have control over how you think and where you put your attention.

Dr. Joe Dispenza says, “Where you place your attention is where you place your energy.”

Start placing your attention on what you can create and stop worrying about everyone else’s scorecard.

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